We’re all guilty of breaking at least one unwritten rule in our cycling careers. We may not have realised ‘in the moment’ and may still be scratching our heads about it now, but it will undoubtedly have riled up our riding friends. As cyclists, we all follow a strict – albeit largely unwritten – list of rules that, if we ever break, we’re shunned and shamed.
It’s tough staying on top of an unwritten list of rules, so we will help you out and detail them all right here.
Introduce yourself
Cyclists can be pretty cliquey, and if you come across a tight-knit bunch that doesn’t look too friendly, it’s probably a good idea to introduce yourself to avoid any scathing looks. Even if you spot a few familiar faces, it’s always courteous to announce yourself.
However, whatever you do, do not suggest an alternative route, change in pace or impromptu café stop – you need to earn your place before you start calling those kinds of shots.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BpJoNehFLlK/
View this post on Instagram
Hold your line
There’s nothing more annoying than an inexperienced rider weaving in and out ahead of you, one hand on the bars, flailing as they try to unpeel a banana. Don’t be that guy – not only does it annoy the rest of your group, but it also puts them at risk should you knock into one of them.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs53qSfHcNz/
Never half-wheel
Never, we repeat, never half-wheel your riding partners – it’s one of the worst things you could do on a big group ride.
Half-wheeling is quite simply the action of riding up beside the pace-setter of the group and placing your front wheel just enough ahead of them that you force them to increase the pace ever so slightly. If left unchecked, half-wheeling can soon turn what was originally a leisurely group ride into a flat-out team time trial.
Half-wheeling is acceptable only when you’re on the rivet in a race and trying to intimidate your rivals.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BhH81zTn7SY/
View this post on Instagram
Respect the group’s patron
The patron can change from week to week, but usually, the rider has been riding in the group the longest or regularly orchestrates each group ride. They’re the group’s conductor, ensuring everything runs smoothly within their ragtag band of followers.
You can chat with the patron, but you can never instruct the patron. Unless you’re looking to challenge for leadership, it’s best to keep your mouth shut and pedal should the patron start barking orders.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BsPcuZxlbl7/
Moan at home
You overate last night. You’re suffering from a niggling calf twitch. You’re only here for a recovery ride. Really?
Leave the excuses at home and talk about something else, perhaps the UCI’s new sock-length rule, the optimum gear ratio for a 1 in 4 climbs, or how you think Zwift is taking over the cycling world – literally anything but a long list of made-up excuses.
Sneaky snot-rockets
Sometimes your nose will get so full of gunk that you’re going to have to clear it out in one significant snotty expulsion – make sure it isn’t in full view of the group and especially not into the face of the patron.
The ‘hang back and blow’ method is arguably the most courteous, i.e. drifting to the back of the bunch to do the business.
If you have never heard of a snot rocket, the steps below outline the perfect form. You can mess it up if you’re not careful:
- Push your fingers against one side of your nose to close off one nostril
- Lean your head forward toward the side of the unobstructed nostril
- Aim away from your body and other cyclists
- Blow with force like you’re blowing your nose into a hankey
- Duplicate on the other nostril if required
Coffee, cakes and cafés
The holy trinity of cycling. There are a few ways to negotiate a café stop correctly but a hell of many ways you can genuinely fudge it up.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BrPoleYnxNZ/
When it comes to coffees, stick to americanos or espressos – lattés, frappés and iced coffees are for gym-going hipsters, not hardcore cyclists.
There’s a lot more choice when it comes to cakes. There’s only one rule regarding these sugary treats – don’t leave until you’ve sampled all of the café’s offerings. There’s no such thing as ‘too much cake’. After all, what’s going to power you up the next climb? The cake, of course.
To race or not to race.
By all means, attack on the most challenging part of the climb, but if you then drop your chain and shout for the group to slow, that’s too bad. The race is now on.
The only time a race is guaranteed is the few hundred metres before the upcoming town sign – it’s the universal final sprint, don’t let anyone tell you differently.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BP2fFTClw__/
Know your competition, know their games and – most importantly – keep an eye out for any old-fashioned skulduggery; a lot is riding on this kind of race.
Signal everything
Pothole, a parked car or a drunk pedestrian, make sure you signal everything and anything that’s made its way onto the road. If you choose not to signal and swerve instead, the rider behind will be surprised as they’re sent careening into the street.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BjIUYMtlMry/
If you want to get technical, perhaps show off to the group’s patron, start throwing out some paceline signals, and devise your group’s sign language for different road obstructions. Just remember, however, you’re riding your bike, not having a dance-off.
Start together, finish together.
One of the most critical, unwritten rules is to stick together throughout the ride. Not only is more a whole lot merrier, but it also means you’ve got more pairs of legs to do all the work that you rather wouldn’t.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs8IOg4lh55/
Mutineers are outlawed unless you have a good enough excuse to leave the ride early – say, the birth of your first child or you’re getting married in the afternoon – then stay in the pack and suck it up; you’re in for the long haul.
Do you think we’ve covered the big ones? If there are any rules you think we’ve missed, please leave us a comment on Facebook or Twitter and tell us all about them.
